I have always loved writing things down, therapy 101 I like to think and
once it is written I can usually release it and go on with my day/night. I
thought my musings over the next year could enlighten, inspire and amuse
you......maybe even hit a cord with some of you who have found yourself in my
shoes before, even if you don't like to admit it!
The purpose: I am attempting to treat myself with kindness, respect and love
which I have not done since I could start drinking, sexing and speaking my
mind. Kindness and love is something normally reserved for my family, treasured
friends, animals, strangers, food, alcohol, air basically anything that isn't
me.
Paris is helping me write this even though I have no idea where she
is? She is a brown Burmese cat who won the hearts of many; my constant
companion until the day she vanished, she just up and left without even leaving
a goodbye and good luck letter! I miss her amazing advice (yes she could
talk) and will mention her wise purring’s from time to time. I don't want to
vanish like she did and sometimes it is obvious that I do, mostly behind a
curtain of alcohol, anger and other things.
 |
| Paris and I |
Deep down this is not who I am 'a vanished soul'. I am a person who needs to
change ever so slightly, curb my attitude and behave nicely to myself. Having
said this it would be ridiculous notion to think that I will completely stop
drinking and having sex just to do this (absurdity meowed Paris). However, what
I would like is to achieve is too not wake up on a beautiful sunny day with a
strange man’s semen in between my legs, not knowing where I am or how the hell I
got there. Following this realization of another wonderful nights adventuring I
will spend the next day hating myself for ending up that way, swear not to
drink so much again and vow to respect myself more.
So far I haven't adhered to this advice for long until today; with Paris by
my side, butterfly's on my back and sheer determination on my front, I will
love myself again or be damned, which every comes first :)
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